Skip to main content

But I trust Him

It's been a while since I've shared anything about my walk with God with you guys. Truth be told, I've been going through a bit of a rough patch and I'm so lost.

But you want to know something amazing?

Even though I feel far from God, He still loves me.

After my week work experience at the Schools Christian Worker project, I made something on my wall. I divided my wall into two sections- Prayers and Answer to prayers.

Trusty post-it-notes in hand I started to pray. I'd write them down with a sharpie, put the sticky note in the prayers section and pray.

Over the days I would see the post-it-note and remember to pray about what was on the wall. I'm not going to lie, I was so pessimistic about doing this. I really didn't believe God cared about the small things in my life. I thought He only cared about the big things like my future, not my health or my time at college or even basic situations at home like the key getting suck in the front door.

But I was very much proved wrong, the answer to prayer section started to fill up.

The saddest thing about it was that I would have missed almost every single one of those answers to prayer if I hadn't been keeping track of them on my wall. Before, I'd been praying but never really expecting an answer, so I never looked out for them.

God really has been so good and He really does care about the little things.

Now I'm left wondering, how many answered prayers have I missed? How many times has God shown His love for me and I've been blind to it? How many times has He gone without thanks or praise?

Thinking about that though makes me realise just how much God loves me. He's always been there helping me but I've never noticed. I've never noticed and yet He still did it. The amount of times He's kept me safe and I didn't see it but despite this, He still carried on doing it. The amount of times He's shown his love for me and I've not returned it. Knowing this though, He still loves me.

What an amazing God He is.



This morning I was reading a blog called Scattered Journal pages, I'll put a link to the post, she said something that really stuck with me.

I don't know- But God does and I trust Him.

My future has a big dirty question mark above it right now. It's a heavy burden that clings to my mind.

I don't know where I'm going. I don't know my future or what's going to happen. I don't know what will happen at home, if one day I'll come home from college or work only to find that we no longer have one. I don't know why my relationships with people are breaking down. I don't know why my dad has stopped talking to me. I don't know if I'm ever going to recover.

I don't know- but God does and I trust him. 

Arabella

Comments

Popular Posts

Diamond walls (poetry)

I dance my personality for everyone I meet
Friendships was never easy
My life was spent living in a glass bubble.
Beautify but fragile.
Contained but vulnerable.

But that bubble tuned into diamond walls,
Such a beautiful sight.
People stand back admiring the person I've become.
'Such a lovely girl'
'A heart of gold'

You fools!

Can't you see the girl that's trapped inside?
Those walls are my prison.
You're blinded by its beauty, by the riches you could obtain from it.
After all, diamond is a jewel

You only think of yourself.
Maybe you can see the girl that's trapped inside.
Maybe you're ignoring her.
Pretend you didn't see it, walk away!
Become distracted 'maybe she'll go away'

I won't disappear though.
Whilst you can walk away because you don't care to help, I am still here.
I'm still trapped in those diamond walls

Do you even care?

I change for you.
I build my walls higher and thicker by helping you.
But are you changing for me?
Every person I…

Growing up

Now that we've safely stumbled into May it is time for my college course to be coming to an end. My friends are off to start the next chapter of their lives at Uni, some are going to spend a year in full time work and others are taking a gap year to get a deeper understanding of how the world works.

As for me?

I have no idea what I'm doing next.

Sure I have plans and fall back options just encase I don't find something better to do, but realistically I don't know what I want to do.

University is out of the question as I'm not confident enough in my future to get myself into thousands of pounds of debt, I'm not really in a position to pay the several thousand for my discipleship year, nor have I got enough funds to pay for the higher education course that I wanted to do at college. I have got an unconditional offer on a place studying business at my current college for a year, this is just my fall back option though, but I am glad to have it there.


Believe in yo…

Teenage Blogger Central

So today I stumbled across a blog called Teenage Blogger Central.
I've spent a while skimming through it and I love the idea of it. As a teenager I love reading blogs by other teenagers, I find it encouraging reading things by other teenagers. However, I've found it very difficult to find blogs by other teenagers (this could just be down to me being a new blogger and having no idea how things work)  But on this blog it's all by teenage bloggers, and that's so nice. So a link to their blog will be bellow. If you have some spare time I'd really recommend checking it out!

 http://teenage-blogger-central.blogspot.co.uk/p/contact_9.html

Ella.