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Showing posts from September, 2016

Being scared of being you

My friendship group is a very loud, confident and out spoken group. They are lovely but they will always revolve around people who are as equally as confident as them. That can sometimes be a recipe for disaster, but somehow they pull it off. That's all well and good if you are confident yourself. Whilst I know I can be a very confident person I also know that I can be very quite and reserved, especially if I am having a bad day or if I am under a lot of stress with food that day.

In class I am confident, I don't mean the confident that involves me putting my hand up to answer every question my tutor asks (I rarely do that) But I am very confident in how I talk and interact with my peers and my tutors. This isn't really a bad thing. I seem to be able to fit in with my class to a certain extent. However out of class is a different story. When I'm in class I can distract my self from my views of my self, I keep myself so busy that I don't have much time to doubt or h…

Being hurt and letting go.

It's hard to recover when someone has hurt you. It's even harder when those people are your friends. It can be hard to think of the good times when you are so fixated on what has happened to you in the past, what they have done to you in the past.

All of those good days, those trips to town, those hours spent watching movies together can be very hard to hold on to when those very people have hurt you. Especially if you are not even sure how those people have hurt you, you just know they have.

The most common reaction would be to cut them off and try and look after yourself, to think "You don't need those people in your life." Some people might be more diplomatic and talk to those people who had hurt you. That is a very brave thing to do. Something I sadly am not brave enough to do. I can't tell if I'm too scared to or if I don't want to put my friendship on the line. What sounds silly considering that I have been hurt by people I call my friends.

Toda…

Photos

One of my favorite hobbies is photograpgy.

I'm not very good at it, not strictly because my pictures are bad, but because I don't take photos how people are used to seeing them.

Take these for example. A motorbike rally was going past one of the local villages a few miles out from where I live, raising money for a children hospice.

 All the motorbikes and scooters were colored in fantastic LED lights. I'd say about 100 rode past us. It was quite a sight.

Realizing very quickly that I wouldn't get a good clear photo of any of the bikes with my lens and lack of other equipment, I decided to try and capture the show of amazing lights. Changing my shutter speed to very low, I placed my camera on low wall and waited for a bike to drive past.
 A few meters before they would come past my camera I would take the photo. My lens would take in all the light as the bike drove past, giving me these fantastic streams of light.





My style of photography might not be everyone's c…

Fighting gainst food.

TRIGGER WARNING! I write this only as a release for my emotions. I am not writing this to promote eating disorders, I only write this as a way of copping for me. If you are unsure if you can read about eating disorders and mentions of self harm and not be negatively impacted by it, please do not read any further.
Ella.

They're is some things I would never wish upon anyone, one thing especially.

That thing is an eating disorder.

A matter of weeks ago I was told by GP that I had an eating disorder. I was hurt by that. I always knew that I had a bad relationship with food, for six months I have been skipping meals, cutting down my food intake, counting calories and excessively exercising. I knew I had a bad relationship with food, but to hear my GP say how bad it truly was, shocked me.

It didn't make any sense. After battling with self harm for 6 years and finally being able to say that I was winning, I was convinced that I loved myself, I loved the person that God made me to be.…

Perfection on social media

I AM NOT PERFECT!

I have un-tameable hair, a weird nose, I come from a broken home, I swear, make mistakes, hurt the people closes to me. I am not perfect and that's ok. However I look at social media now a days and cringe. I will make myself clear that I am not knocking anyone or trying to but groups of people down in this blog, as I too am guilty of doing some of these things and no, I am not some bitter, twisted, jealous teenage girl, I'm just expressing an opinion. 

When I look on my Facebook news feed, or Instagram all I see is people wanting to be perfect. They post photos of them with makeup that is "on point" (What does that even mean?!) or photos of them with a group of friends who all look equally as beautiful as them, or photos of amazing looking food. In that snap shot their life looks perfect. I scroll through Instagram accounts and everything looks perfect, they have loving boyfriends, big houses, loving parents, the latest outfits, perfect makeup. They…

Teenage Blogger Central

So today I stumbled across a blog called Teenage Blogger Central.
I've spent a while skimming through it and I love the idea of it. As a teenager I love reading blogs by other teenagers, I find it encouraging reading things by other teenagers. However, I've found it very difficult to find blogs by other teenagers (this could just be down to me being a new blogger and having no idea how things work)  But on this blog it's all by teenage bloggers, and that's so nice. So a link to their blog will be bellow. If you have some spare time I'd really recommend checking it out!

 http://teenage-blogger-central.blogspot.co.uk/p/contact_9.html

Ella.